I became attracted to a woman who I ended up marrying. At first, she’s all I could ever ask for in a woman. Sweet, caring, and one hell of a cuddler. Doesn’t really like video games like I do, but makes an effort to get into them so we can spend time together doing something we both enjoy.
I met her through one of the other soldiers I worked with. It was in the middle of the week, and I had just gotten a work order finished up and was taking a quick break for a drink of water. I heard him asking a few other soldiers if they were open for a date for this coming weekend. Now, I knew from a few other friends that he was straight, so I was curious as to why he was asking.
Long story short, he had a female friend who was looking for a date for a movie that coming weekend. I offered to go with his friend (BIG mistake), and she and I hit it off rather well, and continued to see each other. Months pass, it hasn’t been enough time for me to consider marriage yet, but she has some spontaneous ailments (seizures, and they were legit) spring up out of nowhere.
We got a courtroom wedding 2 weeks later. The added bonus? Not only could I stay with her while she slept to be ready in case of another episode, but my Tricare would fully cover her medical costs. I was happy, she was happy, I got to tell my command, “Now you can’t stop me from staying with her”, and we all lived happily ever after.
Except we didn’t.
Things went well for a while, but after a bit, I started noticing things. Things like her needing to take her mother to the doctor’s office quite frequently (her mother was sickly, so I didn’t think much of it at first), or needing to head to the Walmart in the next town over because the one in our town didn’t have what she needed in stock.
I bought a car that I let her use and it had been seen parked next to several different trailer parks in one month.
Well, as luck would have it, right as I started to get suspicious, I came down on orders to PCS to Korea. So, sidelining the investigation until I was able to continue, I packed, kissed my wife goodbye, and let the Army send me where they wanted me. I spent a year in Korea, then came down on orders for Texas. I went there. It was there that I found out exactly what was going on, courtesy of her mom, brother, and her aunt and uncle.
This woman was sleeping with 60 (not even kidding in the slightest) different men, most of them soldiers. Her excuse to her family was “Frizzmaster is gay, and doesn’t want to come out. So, he’s pointing out the men I can sleep with, since he knows that they’re clean.”
So, basically, this woman is using me as a pay check and meal ticket, and screwing everything with a pulse that happens to be male. The icing on the cake is that two weeks after I get the good news, she calls me and confesses to cheating on me….once.
The only reason she confessed? She was pregnant and there was no way I could be the father, given that I was in a different state at the time….and the father was African-American.
I am very much not African American, having been called “neon white” on more than one occasion due to my Irish ancestry. So, there was no possible way this child would look like me, at all. So my wife felt the need to break the news to me before she had the baby, because she could no longer hide it.
Well, things happened, I went back home (without her knowing) and removed my belongings from the house I bought to keep her from selling them once she realized what I was about to do and started divorce proceedings.
This is revenge #1. I saw her BOYFRIEND (not the baby’s father, new guy entirely) driving my car. So, I enlisted the help of her aunt and uncle to get my car back. They pulled up behind him in a parking lot, got out and talked to him normally, at which time I waked up from the other side of the parking lot. Her uncle asked to see the keys, and upon receiving them, began taking the car key off of the ring, and waved me forward.
I walked up, took the car key from him, looked at the guy, and said “Hi, my name is Frizzmaster, and this is my car. I’m taking it now.” I waved him over to the sidewalk, removed everything from the car that didn’t have my name on it, left the items with him, then got in my car and drove off.
I found out later that day that he had packed everything and left her. Apparently, he had been living in my house, eating my food, sleeping in my bed, and WEARING MY CLOTHES. Plus, she had been using the money I sent her every month to pay for his court costs and child support costs.
Well, months went by, our court date came up, and my lawyer recommended that I file for sole use of the vehicle and the property, since it was obvious that she had committed adultery and didn’t have a leg to stand on. We go to court, she counter-files for the exact same, and since she refused to release the results of a paternity test, I get stonewalled. The exact words used by the judge were, “I’m sorry, but without proof of paternity of the child, I cannot, in good conscience, approve either of these motions.
So, we set a new date for a private hearing with the judge, and we wait. Nearly 3 months go by, and the court date was finally near. I walked into the courthouse, met up with my lawyer (who had a demonic glint in his eye at the time, and I was about to find out why), went into the courtroom, and waited. 20 minutes later, she walked in, shot me a dirty look (which I did my best to ignore), and sat down.
The judge came in 5 minutes later, the court was called to order, and the divorce trial commenced. Here, I found out just what had given my lawyer the twinkle in his eye earlier on. He proceeded to ask her a series of questions, including:
“Is my client the father of your child?”
When was the child conceived?”
“Where was my client during the time at which your child was conceived?”
“Do you know who the father of your child is?”
“Have you received child support from the father of your child?”
Basically, he questioned her into a legal corner in which she either had to answer truthfully, or lie and suffer the legal ramifications of perjury in the face of easily provable evidence. She answered truthfully (lucky for her), and the court case continued. She presented her argument, littered with dirt she was trying to throw on me, insults to my person, questions about my sexual orientation, and claims that I was having a relationship with her 18-year-old cousin.
I, falling back on my military training, simply sat up straight, folded my hands in front of me on the table, and stared at a spot on the wall slightly above the judges’ left shoulder. I answered every question asked of me, offered no personal opinions, threw no dirt, and refused to sink to her level and question her sexuality. Subsequently, she had a more and more confused look on her face as I refrained from bad-mouthing her like she was doing me, and the divorce trial went by rather fast.
At the conclusion of the trial, the judge looked over the paperwork submitted one last time, then looked to the both of us. “Are there any closing remarks or claims that need to be made?” She made one last parting swipe about me currently living with her aunt and uncle (I had rented my own apartment months ago, after finishing my military time and going back home), and I merely shook my head and resumed staring at the wall. The judge took one last look over the papers, set them down, and spoke the greatest words I have ever heard in my life.
“Well, looking over the evidence and testimonies presented, there really is only one decision I can come to. Mr. Frizzmaster, I am approving your motions for exclusive use of the vehicle and property, upon undeniable evidence of adultery. Mrs. Frizzmaster, the only one of your motions I am granting today is your request for a no-contact order, and that is more for Mr. Frizzmaster’s benefit than your own. You seemed very combative and willing to cause him legal damage that he was not due, and your repeated attempts to over-talk me while I was reviewing the paperwork did not speak well of you. You no longer have a claim to either the property or the vehicle, and will not contact Mr. Frizzmaster unless it is to have him clarify which items do not belong to you.”
She had the audacity to work up a sniffle and ask the judge “B..b.but where do I go? What do I do for a place to live?”
The judge looked back at her and replied “Well, Mrs. Frizzmaster, you have 30 days to figure that out, after which you will not set foot on that property again, or else you will be held in contempt of court.”
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