Mother always knows best — except when it comes to texting. She tries — and sometimes succeeds — but more often than not you’re just glad that she can’t see your eyerolls at your screen.
But have patience. After all, she did bring you into this world — a world before emoticons and abbreviations — so the least you can do is play along…and reply immediately, lest you wish to incur the wrath of 25 continuous, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” frantic texts.
1. Money is the ultimate motivator.
2. Well, pretzels can get addictive.
3. New meaning to “Vapo Rub”
4. Why even call?
6. A sandwich full of awkward…
7. She just wants you to find a nice Jewish boy…
8. Or someone who can sell you a phone.
9. Texting Captain Obvious…
10. That might be an uncomfortable ride home.
11. Not clever — creepy, Mom. Creepy.
12. Technically she isn’t wrong.
13. A little bit cheesy…minus the crackers.
14. All hail, Bowtie Man!
15. Maybe he would like it, too. You don’t know.
16. It’s in the bag.
17. This cat has so many questions.
18. Not funny, Mom. Not funny.
19. That’s pretty crappy chocolate.
20. Spacing out.
21. You just got burned, dude.
22. She’s just trying to keep up with the times.
23. Clean up your act there, Mom.
24. Well-played. Well-played, indeed.
25. But you’re her little lovable loser.
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